Despite being based in Houston, Texas, some 4,900 miles from London, we here at Lone Star Times received the following comment today. It came from the totally legitimate UK-NATIONAL-LOTTO (aka EULOTTERY), which is completely on the up-and-up. Don’t worry about the facts that it awards prizes to people who never bought a ticket, denominates its prizes in the wrong currency, uses a Yahoo email address, employs terrible grammar and punctuation, and has a phone number with the wrong number of digits.

Forget all that, because we won a bunch of money!

We happily announce to you the draw of the Euro Millions Internet Sweepstakes Lottery International programs held on the 29th of June, 2005 In our Lotto Draw Headquarters London UK. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 00545 188 564756 with Serial number 5368/02 drew the lucky numbers:07-12-23-26-44 which subsequently won you the lottery in the 3RD category. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of 950,000.00 euros (Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand euros) in cash credited to email file ktu/9023118308/03, please take note.

This is from a total cash prize of US 8Million GBP, shared amongst the first Ten (10) lucky winners in this category. All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 companies world wide. This promotion takes place in four phases annually. Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your 950,000.00 euros (Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand euros) would be released to you via our payment office in europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.

For security reasons you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner You deem fit to claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous elements.

Please be warned. To file for your claim, please contact fiduciary agent designated to your file stating your winning details -

Mr George P. Carlton
Email: pierce_carlt@yahoo.com
Tel: (44) 703-190-3965

Sweet. They want me to go to London so they can steal my kidneys award my prize, but I’m a busy, on the go kind of guy. I can’t wait that long. I think I’ll just send them Benzion’s date of birth, social security number and bank account information so they can wire the money in.

We’re so lucky.