Air travelers beware
by The Panda Man · 11/18/2005 10:44 amIf you spend any time flying the country’s airways these days you know that air travel has become a rather tedious process. Lines at counters, lines at screenings, lines for boarding, lines, lines, lines. Now a new security screening machine made in Israel could slow things down even further. What is it?
…the two-stage GK-1 voice analyzer requires that passengers don headphones at a console and answer "yes" or "no" into a microphone to questions about whether they are planning something illicit. The software will almost always pick up uncontrollable tremors in the voice that give away liars or those with something to hide, say its designers at Israeli firm Nemesysco.
That’s right, it is a voice-analyzing lie detector test. The machine was put through its paces in Russia, and seemed to produce results.
"In our trial, 500 passengers went through the test, and then each was subjected to full traditional searches," said Chief Executive Officer Amir Liberman. "The one person found to be planning something illegal was the one who failed our test."
Should we be impressed that the machine picked the person out or alarmed that 1 in 500 Russian airline passengers was planning something illegal? The machine is expected to cost $10-30,000, and adds a 30-75 second stop to the screening process. Unless, of course, one fails the test, which will trigger additional searches and questioning.
If the machine is not successful in the airline business, there are probably numerous other applications if the cost could be brought down. Imagine a RINO hunt with this baby at your side.
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how about we start a collection for one of these bad boys and put right next to the reporters mics…
This is getting into the thought police area. I can plan to bring down a plane but if all I have on me is a rubber band there aint a whole lot I can do. Is just thinking about it against the law if you have no way to actually do the crime?
I hope they dont use that machine at the mall when I walk by the Victoria Secrete store.I’ll be busted for sure.
Or think of the trouble we will have if our wives have one and they ask us if the pants they just bought makes them look fat.(no offense to fat people) Busted for sure.
It would be great for use in debates, except we need to keep the fate of Diogenes in mind. He ended up carrying a lamp forever in a quest to find a honest man.
There are no honest politicians!
Simple
How are they going to detect if a deaf person is lying?
/my Deaf kid’s mom
Hear that? It’s the sound of fast approaching lawsuits.
This technology is already available.
http://funideas.com/product.asp?pid=233
Dont worry about the airlines. I am in the last stages of completing my teleportation machine. I am trying to get the Carolina Panther cheerleaders to test the equipment but they wont return my calls.
Anyone wanting to invest in this let me know. I already have a widow from the Ivory Coast and a ex-President from Nigeria who have promised millions.
Metro has contacted me also. I think they are afraid my invention will cause the toy train to lose customers and they will lose tons of Fed denero that goes into their pockets.
Anyone know where I can get some plutonium? I need to generate 1.2 gigawatts to get the flux capacitor to power up. I am supposed to meet these guys from Iran in the mall parking lot tonight but they dont seem too honest.Call my office,ask for Jenny at 867-5309 See ya.
When you get it all worked out, let me know. I’d be happy to volunteer my bathroom for use as a destination for their teleportation. Have Jenny call me to arrange the details.
Our biggest new threat. . .Deaf Terrorists. Just when we think we have it figured out, Al-Qaida comes up with something new. How can you tell if they are just ignoring you or are deaf?
What if the terrorists develop cyborgs to carry out their sinister plots? They would be able to pass any testing machine. I bet if you follow the money, Dick Chaney and Halliburton have something to do with this machine. Damn evil Republican Industries!
Gregg, didn’t you get the GOP Security Directive on this? Just like the weather machine, the rule holds for this one:
DO NOT MENTION THE HALLIBURTON TERRORBOTS.
Matt,
I just intercepted a memo from the alcaders. This is a picture of their new prototype cyborgs. They look harmless dont they!Yeh baby,yeh.
http://i.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/040713/165732__fembots_l.jpg
Matt Bramanti
Toss gregg the keys and take a break.
So Bubba Clinton will have to ride in Jane Fonda’s bus from now on.