Merry Holiday!
by The Panda Man · 11/30/2005 11:04 amGather the family ‘round the fire, and put the kettle on, it’s Holiday season! Let us mail Holiday cards and exchange Holiday gifts. Dust off the Holiday decorations, and put up the Holiday tree, for ‘tis the Holiday season!
As the weather gets cooler, we canvas the neighborhood singing Holiday carols. Holiday parties are thrown, and shoppers bustle about their business seeking gifts in the Holiday spirit of materialism. “Merry Holiday!” they say, smiles on their faces, “I’m doing my Holiday shopping.”
The most wonderful time of the year, Holiday. When we celebrate….
something.
If all the political correctness is getting you down, some Holiday poetry will get you into the spirit. How about that classic “Twas the night before Holiday”?
Twas the night before Christmas Holiday, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings American greed bags were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas non-religious gift-bearing-entity soon would be there.The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums nutritious healthful snacks danced in their heads.
And mamma oppressed female resident in her ‘kerchief, and I (cruel male dominator) in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.The moon on the breast of the new-fallen fossil fuel-polluted snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer human-abused slave animals.With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick non-religious gift-bearing entity.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, abused, whipped and otherwise mistreated them, and called them by name!"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"As dry leaves that before the wild Bush-caused poor-black-killing hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky point the finger (hoof?) of blame.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys symbols of evil materialism, and St Nicholas non-religious gift-bearing entity too.And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas non-religious gift-bearing entity came with a bound.He was dressed all in murdered animal fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with carcinogenic ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys symbols of evil materialism he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler noble disadvantaged person, just opening his pack.His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.The stump of a pipe cancer-stick he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke foul-smelling death mist it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly life-threatening obesity center,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!He was chubby and plump morbidly obese with a deadly body-mass index, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings American greed bags, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!He sprang to his sleigh, to his team slave animals gave a whistle whip,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas Non-threatening Holiday to all, and to all a good-night!"
Isn’t political correctness wonderful?
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Very clever. I am quite amused. I will definitely have to pass this along (or start a tradition by reciting at….Merry Holiday.
I’m offended that you would refer to a mouse as a “creature”. You must be a mouse-ogynyst.
For some good news. Today I was driving by Garden Ridge Pottery in Katy and they had a big sign on a trailer right out in front for the world to see “Christmas items on sale” and “Christmas trees on sale”
I also was coming out of Sams today on 290 and the Salvation Army bell ringer wished me, out loud, “Merry Christmas” right in front of everybody!He said the same thing to everybody walking in and out.
We havent lost this one yet.
I really am getting fed up with the PC crap. Every time I hear the word “Holiday,” it makes me want to hit a liberal. To the fullest extent possible, my plan is to boycott any and all retailers who celebrate the “Holidays” instead of Christmas! I urge you all to do the same!
Isnt it ironic. Wal-Mart wont mention Christmas but in the holiday decoration area they have no problem selling a Chinese made plastic nativity scene.
Haha - hit a liberal. Funny.
We put up Christmas trees in my office, and I heard an argument between some people about calling them Holiday trees. You’ll be pleased to know the Holiday tree voter was out-voted.
Christmas is a national holiday. It should not be against our PC driven culture to call it Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Gregg, (#5)
Is that item sold as a Nativity scene, or is it a “Holiday stable playset?”
#7
Good point. I bet you are right. Or it could be “Holiday homeless family”
# 7 & 8 love it…
It’s so idiotic, it is just like trying to change Halloween to something it is not. It’s a free country and I do not tell anyone else if they should, should not or how to celebrate Halloween. I don’t celebrate it and my family doesn’t, many people do not. Don’t care if anyone else does it’s up to them.
If you don’t like or want Christmas then don’t celebrate it, it’s your right not to take part in it. If it offends you too bad, that’s all part of living in a free country. Don’t offend me by trying to change it. These people think they are intelligent? Ha, they are totally moronic, ignorant and very narrow-minded.
Just returned from Fredericksburg. The good residents have not one but two nativity scenes in the city park across from the courthouse, along with a huge Christmas tree and lighted figures of all kinds, including an American flag. The park is lovely by day but truly beautiful at night. I don’t believe the residents would give a hoot if ACLU types had a stroke over the religious display and would probably invite them to leave the city and the county and not come back. Yea for Fredericksburg!
Seen the latest Honda commercial? Or the latest HEB commercial? Honda sings “We Wish You a Happy Holiday” instead of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and HEB shows Christmas trees while talking about ‘holiday decor’. It is a pretty widespread problem…
I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I can remember “Happy Holidays” cards from when I was a kid, prior to (at least I assume) political correctness. When I say “Happy Holidays” to people, I’m not doing it because I worry that they might be offended, but rather wishing them a joyous season between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.
I think a by-product of political correctness is that the phrase “Happy Holidays” is becoming just as offensive to some as we’re being led to believe “Merry Christmas” may be. That’s just wrong and silly.
The heightened sensitivity and on all sides of the issue only serves to separate us during this time of year when I think we should be feeling things other than paranoia.
Christmas, like Easter, has become a blur between secular and religious events. I don’t see much religion in wrapping up an X-Box or a chocolate bunny. It’s just tradition that we associate with religion. I think folks who think that buying a new blender for their wife is somehow celebrating the birth of Christ should go pray on that for awhile. The point is, though, is that Christmas is Christmas however it manifests itself because we’ve shaped it this way over the years.
The Nativity is Christmas. Ham is Christmas. Wire-framed, illuminated reindeer are Christmas. X-Boxes and blenders are Christmas. Getting drunk on mulled wine or a hot toddy is Christmas. Setting aside good taste and making a tree look obnoxious is Christmas. What’s more, it’s the one time of year when something so overdone actually looks beautiful. That’s the magic of Christmas.
I think it’s important to keep the religious and secular distinctions in mind when reacting to the media/corporate take on how we’re supposed to react to the season. I’m quite sure the folks in marketing weren’t thinking, “How can we help people commune with their spiritual selves in the next 4 weeks?”
Charles Krauthammer, a Jew, wrote a great editorial last year that’s worth a read.
Merry Christmas to all who post on Lone Star Times, and to all who do not post here.
Walmart in Conroe (105) has a big banner outside - “Merry Christmas from your Walmart Associates”
Good for them!
#12 I’m so glad you posted that link to Krauthammer’s editorial. It was wonderful and says it all! I knew there was a reason I always stop to listen when I see him on Fox!
As a non-religious person I could easily complain about “Merry Christmas” OR “Happy Holidays.” But I just can’t see being offended by someone wishing me happiness or merriment. Everyone just lighten up!!!!
And of coures we are reminded of the classic:
High Flight
( with FAA Supplement)
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth(1),
And danced(2) the skies on laughter silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed(3) and joined the tumbling mirth(4)
Of sun-split clouds(5) and done a hundred things(6)
You have not dreamed of — Wheeled and soared and swung(7)
High in the sunlit silence(8). Hov’ring there(9)
I’ve chased the shouting wind(10) along and flung(11)
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious(12), burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights(13) with easy grace,
Where never lark, or even eagle(14) flew;
And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space(15),
Put out my hand(16), and touched the face of God.
——————————————————————————–
NOTE:
1. Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before aircraft taxi or flight is attempted.
2. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulderbelts as provided.
3. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling.
4. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth.
5. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances.
6. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Federal Aviation Administration inspectors.
7. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits.
8. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred.
9. “Hov’ring there” will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent.
10. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local FSS. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots.
11. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft.
12. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination.
13. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations.
14. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to the FAA and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility.
15. Aircraft operating in the high untresspassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorlogical conditions and visibility.
16. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.