Democrat Party operatives are giggling themselves silly with the notion that in Nick Lampson they’ve found an opponent to Tom DeLay that Texas voters will be stupid enough to mistake as a genuine "conservative"– even if doesn’t happen to be a Republican.

Central to this fantasy is the belief that Lampson’s frolicking at fundraisers amongst liberal elites in San Francisco, New York City and Boston (featuring Jon Murtha) can somehow be concealed from the common-sense voters of District 22.

This is the age of the Internet, boys and girls.

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Nick Lapson whips out the pearly whites for Larry Suffredin

• Suffredin getting wacked by the Illinois State Rifle Association for his extreme hostility to Second Amendment rights.
• Suffredin acknowledged as a "champion" of the 2006 Chicago Gay Games (scroll down).

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Nick Lampson, (Larry Suffredin), and Sue Schell

• Schell quoted in the Chicago Tribune (via Cindy Sheehan’s Moonbatty Crawford Peace House) advocating a defeatist withdrawal from Iraq.

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Good Luck.

Manicurists rejoice, you will soon be able to take the tools of your trade on an airplane with you. The Transportation Security Administration will be lifting restrictions on items like small scissors and screwdrivers for airline passengers. The trade-off will be increased random searches as one passes through the screening process.

Under the new plan, small scissors with blades less than four inches long and tools like screwdrivers that are less than seven 7 inches will be allowed. But box cutters, crowbars and hammers will still be banned. The new focus on random searches will include more additional screenings of passengers and their bags at security checkpoints. Hawley said the secondary checks will be based on behavior patterns and a random pattern selected by the screeners.

And for those of you who enjoy getting felt-up by government employees:

TSA screeners will also use a different pat-down procedure, to improve their ability to detect nonmetal weapons and explosive devices that may be carried on the body. Pat-down searches will now include the arms and legs, Hawley said.

The new guidelines are scheduled to go into effect December 22nd, just in time for Christmas “Holiday” travel.

Happy flying!

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Just in time for the new King Kong movie, some news regarding a just-settled lawsuit over Koko the gorilla. The two women involved…

…had sued the Woodside, California-based Gorilla Foundation, claiming its president had pressed them to bare their breasts for Koko to help bond with the gorilla. The two said foundation President Francine Patterson would interpret hand movements by Koko as a demand to see human nipples. They declined and were later fired in an act of retaliation for not indulging what the lawsuit called Koko’s "nipple fetish."

All parties involved have now been spared a trial, however, as a confidential settlement has been reached. According to a Foundation attorney:

Attorney Todd Roberts said the foundation agreed to settle the lawsuit to get on with its work. Terms of the settlement were confidential, he added. "We denied all of the allegations in the complaint and continue to deny the allegations," Roberts said.

For some strange reason, pandas come to mind.

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The big day was yesterday, and they practiced "safe architecture" in Buenos Aires in honor of the event. Here is what that means:

I think ours is bigger.

Wal Mart’s top-notch-cracker-jack-political-oppo-research-ninjas have responded to blogospheric and talk-radio anger over "Happy Holidays" greetings with the this [Hat-tip: LST reader Mike Ellerbrock]

Clarification on Wal-Mart’s Holiday Greeting

There seems to be a growing misperception regarding the use of the phrase “Merry Christmas” at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart would like to clarify that it has no policy that prohibits an associate from wishing customers “Merry Christmas.”

According to Sarah Clark, Wal-Mart spokesperson, “We encourage associates to use their best judgment when greeting our customers and to assess which greeting – or greetings – best suit the customers and associates in their local store. We want our stores to reflect the communities they serve. If ‘Merry Christmas’ is the preferred greeting, that is fine and appropriate.  Or, some associates may choose to say ‘Happy Holidays,’ which may be more inclusive for Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Three Kings’ Day, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.” 

In regards to advertising, Wal-Mart’s theme this season is "Home for the Holidays," reflecting the importance of family to our customers and associates during this special time of year, regardless of individual faiths. Wal-Mart features a large selection of Christmas merchandise in our stores and online, recognizing that a broad segment of our customer base wants to buy Christmas trees, cards, and Nativity items in celebration of the Christmas holiday. Many items used in celebration of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Three Kings’ Day and other observances this time of year are also available.

Waddya’ think?

If you agree with Democrat U.S. Representative Jon Murtha of Pennsylvania’s 12th District that American troops in Iraq are "broken, worn out" and "living hand to mouth", you may want to contact him directly and congratulate him for speaking truth to power.

• Pennsylvania District Office:  814-535-2642
• Washington DC Office:  202-225-2065

Or if you disagree you may also want to call. Up to you.

What Santa Claus would look like if the Left Ruled the World.