Chinese panda sex spies : Lone Star Times

Chinese panda sex spies

by The Panda Man · 01/20/2006 11:04 am

Aficionados of LST’s strange news files will recall that late last year China instigated a program to track pandas with GPS satellites and observe their sex activities. Researchers even showed the animals “sex education” videos. All of this was ostensibly to improve the animals’ breeding record, but the potential for Chinese intelligence gathering has now been made apparent. News has come to our attention that China has infiltrated two panda spies into Thailand to gather data. A wire photo catches the animals in the act.

The news photo is eerily similar to a surveillance image captured at a Houston rally.

Coincidence or Chinese GPS-equipped-animal spy ring? You decide.

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Comments

14 Responses to “Chinese panda sex spies”

gregg on January 20th, 2006 at 11:22 am

If the Pandas could ride a motorcycle.
http://carseywerner.net/images/roseanne_insert_max.jpg

Is this spot on Matt?
The Dude on January 20th, 2006 at 11:22 am

a program to track pandas with GPS satellites and observe their sex activities.

So how do I get hooked up with a gig like that? As the tracker that is, not the trackee.
Wino on January 20th, 2006 at 11:42 am

New commercial from Glaxo Smith Chang (the chinese subsidiary):

Got a panda who just isn’t up to his old tricks? Is the panda appendage not appending?

Then treat him to “Bearagra!”

One pill three hours before the she panda arrives, and you’ve got plenty of time to ply her with bamboo shoots.

When she’s ready, he’s ready.

Caution: May cause headaches, bleeding, fur discoloration, sexual disfunction, bladder irritation, loose bowels, budget deficits, police chases, hurricanes, plagues, or locusts in a small number of cases. Consult your veterinarian before using. Discontinue use if there isn’t a female panda or rhinocerous in the vicinity.
Maltboy! on January 20th, 2006 at 12:12 pm

RE: Second picture

I thought the RINO was supposed to be doing that to the citizen, not the other way around.
squawkbox on January 20th, 2006 at 12:12 pm

I know I am gonna get sqaushed for this, but I gotta know.

Is that Benzion inserting a tracking device into that RINO?

/Squawk closes eyes and waits to get slapped.
Butch on January 20th, 2006 at 12:19 pm

It’s Benzion all right……or at least that’s what Matt said.
squawkbox on January 20th, 2006 at 12:28 pm

Butch
#6

Our fearless leader? Doing “grunt” work? Say it isn’t so.
pmartin on January 20th, 2006 at 12:38 pm

#3 - LOL!

#6 - Yeah, it is David! Caught in the act!
Smacktle on January 20th, 2006 at 1:11 pm

Has anybody ever owned up to the belly on the right of the picture?
Big45Iron on January 20th, 2006 at 1:51 pm

Please do not read anything into picture #2. Some of you might be unaware Dr. Benzion is a world renowned rhino proctologist. He was demonstrating for Dan the proper method for examining a RINO like Fred Hill.
Bill Roberts on January 20th, 2006 at 2:26 pm

I always knew Benzion was a cruel despot.

But I never realized the depths of degeneration to which he had descended.

Ew.
David Benzion on January 20th, 2006 at 3:05 pm

Joke all you want– that’s one RINO who will NEVER forget who’s boss.
Matt "Zilla" Bramanti on January 20th, 2006 at 3:38 pm

Nor will any of the stunned onlookers. Or the poor guy who had to dryclean that Darth Vader suit.
squawkbox on January 20th, 2006 at 5:50 pm

Benzion has been here and seen my post? And it survived. It survived!!!! It survived!!!!!

bwahahahahahaha it survived.