Vigilant readers know that we here at Lone Star Times are on the cutting edge. We brought you news of China’s attempts to track pandas using GPS technology late last year, and most recently we exposed how the Chinese were using this technology to spy on Thailand using the furry GPS-equipped agents.

Now we have uncovered disturbing evidence of a more nefarious plot to infiltrate Taiwan.

Chen Yunlin, head of the Taiwan Affairs Office of the State Council, announced during then Kuomintang party chief Lien Chan’s mainland visit last May, that the mainland would donate a giant panda couple to Taiwan compatriots as a gift embodying the aspiration for peace, unity and fraternity of Chinese on both sides of the Taiwan Straits.

Further revelations include the agents involved.

Previously the two pandas were only known by their candidate numbers, "No. 16" for the female one and "No.19" for the male.

A public campaign to confuse the Taiwan compatriots as to the actual identities of Agents 16 and 19 has met with success.

But the pandas do have their nicknames at the Wolong Center, which are "Xiaoguaiguai" — literally means "little darling" for the male and "Huangmao Yatou" — literally means "chit of a girl" for the female.

While analysts are still trying to determine the significance of “chit of a girl,” a widespread naming campaign has further muddied the waters.

The most favored names for the pandas, selected by the public via the Internet voting or mobile phone short message ballots over a three-week period, are "Tuan Tuan" and "Yuan Yuan", which have a combined meaning of "reunion" literally.
The names were announced at the annual Spring Festival Eve entertainment party of China Central Television (CCTV), live broadcast to hundreds of millions of Chinese viewers worldwide.

Never fear, dear readers. Hard-bitten, steely-eyed LST technical teams are running complex computer analyses…

…and poring over reams of data to defend the Taiwan compatriots against the infiltration of the most favored Chinese “chit of a girl.”

Where’s Jack Bauer when you need him?