A Massachusetts legislator has introduced a bill requiring machete owners to register and lisence their machetes. I’ll update this as soon as I find more info.
Update: Here is the text of the bill.
Introducing the Lone Star Times Pseudo-Machete!
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I see an opportunity to make “OBSCENE PROFITS” here. Mass is going to charge a yearly registration fee on all machetes that meet or exceed these limits:
We manufacture a machete 17.5 inches in length and 1.49 inches wide for sale in Mass. Furthermore to make our machetes more attractive we have an emblazoned LST logo on the handle, acid etched web address on the blade. For a price point we offer it as seen on TV for $19.99 and as the kicker we include a scabbard for free.
Once the person buys one of our machetes they will come to LST and click through all the ads, buy siding and eat at Taste of Texas. The response will be so overwhelming Benzion will get more for advertising, we will get raises and I can finally quit my day job and just moderate LST and blog all day.
Working on the drawings as I type…..
I’ll make the blade a bit thicker than normal to compensate for the loss of length/width…
Dimensions I’m using: 17-7/8″ in length, 1-7/16″ width.
Blade made from 440C Stainless 58-62 HRc.
Deluxe model to be made from Transformation Toughened Zirconia (TTZ), color Ivory. Hardness approaching that of Diamond, will never need sharpening and TTZ is tough enough to not chip from hacking on wood or bone. Downside is that it won’t be as heavy.
right on squawk…
however, there is another need..
where do I get my “concealed machete” permit ?
Econo model blade to be made from 1040 carbon steel hardened and salt bath nitrided.
The women will be asking if that is a machete in your pants or if you are happy to see them….
Example number 36,453 that there is no idea too stupid for Mass. politicians.
1,2,4.
I just love American ingenuity and commercialism. When are you going public?
Squawk,
The problem is that, as soon as you’ve joined Bill Gates on Forbes’ list, some Mass. politician will introduce a bill requiring you to provide healthcare for anyone who owns or has been harmed by one of your non-Machetes.
We’d contract with the Mob and have em sleeping with the fishies if they did….=D
Either that I will take them for a little Junket to a fishing spot I know of in Henderson Swamp Louisiana.
Would you then show them the proper use of a LST Pseudo-machete?
(that would be cutting bait right?)
David Johnson
#8
I have learned a few things in my day. With that much money I can foresee bribery entering the equation.
11 & 12
Yes on the machete and there is a high probabilty that they may become the bait. Ever had alligator steaks?
I like the money making idea.
What I DON’T like is the fact that Massachusetts thinks this will make a difference. If I am going to hack someone to death, I’ll just use an axe instead of a machete. Maybe even a chainsaw. I wonder if you have to register those?
This is ridiculous. Next thing you know, we really WILL have to register butterknives and nail clippers.
9:
There you go with that “mob” nonsense, which is of course just a figment of Hollywood’s imagination, meant to incite prejudices against Italian-Americans.
So knock it off, or I’ll break your kneecaps. Capice?
I see I’m a bit late to the party, but I’d be happy to volunteer my drafting services for the LST bait-cutter/liberal-hacker/pseudo-machete documentation needs. Hey, just trying to do my part.
I’m getting my paperwork together to register my lawn mower, weedeater, hedge clippers, 2 light-duty trucks, a nice 8-inch chef’s knife, propane torch, circular saw, drywall saw, etc.
After all, I could kill someone with any one of those things…
Roger
#17
Would love to see your “first draft!”
jimb
#18
Don’t forget the spatula, ladel and toilet plunger.
Roger, Roger! Over and out!
Jimb, got it modeled already…..
GRRReat picture. We are halfway home to retirement.
The picture really doesn’t do the model justice, the model is photorealistic and three dimensional.
now if we can only figure out how to use it to cut property taxes……
25: We just present a special edition to Sen. Dan Patrick.
I’ll put the LST Machetex 2000 against Fred Hill’s hoe any day of the week.
A machete for the hoe! A machete for the hoe!
#25..
First you Hack-up the RINO’S…than you cut the TAXES….
RidgeRunner
#28
I’m with you. Gotta start somewhere!
I needed a machete today had some yard work to do.
Where can I buy one of these LST machetes? Can’t buy a t-shirt so I might as well buy a machete.
I can’t believe that there is nothing I can buy with LST on it. Can I get LST stamped on my handguns? Probably would make them more valuable.
Smacktle
#30
I’m with you! Why doesn’t LST have a “store” where we could buy cool things, like a Squawk Box T-shirt? Or how about “LST - biggest, baddest blog!” or “Duke it out on LST”.
LST t-shirts should be made available before the next Brew Ha Ha%trade;
Good idea. But since squawker,benzion and mattzilla love Wal-Mart, all items must be of crap quality and made in Chinese slave labor camps.
Don’t forget the “More Cowbell” t-shirts! With a picture from wolfies!
Gregg, if those inmates didn’t want to make LST machetes 20 hours a day, they shouldn’t have jaywalked.
What about cowbells stamped with LST. Mine should be worth a mint someday since it’s the original.
Need to get Benzion, Zattmilla and Squawk to sign it, may be worth a mint someday!
Breath mint that is…..
Before we get too hard on Mass, let me share a personal story about a jury I sat on in the 70’s.
The trial was a over a criminal weapons possesion charge.
It seems there was this gardener who finished his job one day in an exclusive Houston neighborhood. The guy carried some of his own tools in a long wooden carpenter’s box. Amoungst the assorted gardening tools was a machete.
This poor guy had no car and was dependent upon some friends to pick him up after work. I mention only in passing that the gardener and all of his friends were hispanic, which entitled the HPD to stop and detain these guys for being in the wrong neighborhood while being Hispanic.
The cops searched everyone and could find nothing, but they opened the trunk and found the toolbox and the deadly machete. Immediately, the cops wanted to know who owned the machete. The gardener stepped forward and claimed it as his. Clearly the ploy of a criminal mastermind.
The gardener was charged with possesion of a deadly weapon (knife with a blade longer than some arbitrary length).
The case went to trial and I and eleven other souls had to sit in judgement of the gardener. The trial lasted about 3/4 of the day and we took about 15 minutes to find him innocent (5 minutes for a poll of the jury and 10 minutes to figure out the legalize on the jury forms).
The judge read the verdict and then did something surprising. He took the time to chew-out the prosecutor and police officer for wasting the court’s time on such a stupid case.
Just in case you think Mass is alone in having public officials that abandon all common sense.
Simple
A machete is a common tool with landscapers who lay sod. They use it to cut the sod to fit around trees and slabs.
Machete’s dont kill sod. Landscapers do.
Simple
"Before we get too hard on Mass,"
and then
"The judge read the verdict and then did something surprising. He took the time to chew-out the prosecutor and police officer for wasting the court’s time on such a stupid case."
——————————————
If the machete law passes then this becomes a mute point. The judges have to judge based on yet another asinine law.
Mr. Seagull
All joking aside here, a little background on why Mass THINKS it needs such a law. There is this little social club known in these and other parts as MS-13. Apparently MS-13 has found a home in Mass. And apparently one of thier more common rituals include the use of a machete on the necks of other residents of Mass. Now those of us with with enough working brain cells to know not to get in a car with ‘ol Teddy know that the machete is not the evil object here, it is that little ‘ol social club made up of ILLEGAL ALIENS. Yet again, Libs don’t get the real problem. The real problem are the illegals, not the machete. And there are already laws against the illegals (hence the term) but like Libs everywhere, they think that passing the law is good enough, they don’t realize that passing a law and then not bothering to enforce it (or pay the border patrol enough so that they can do so effectively) they have made the law moot. so what do they think is the proper response? Yet another law that won’t be enforcable.
No wonder Teddy never spent a day in jail.
#1 & #2: Heck, I’d buy one of those machetes, even though I don’t have any vegetation to cut. (Well, none I’d even consider doing with a machete.)
Everybody else: What you have here, is not only the usual idiocy of Massachusetts legislators (and voters), but the compelling need to beat the British to the same type of law. So now, the question becomes what “potential weapon” comes next? Baseball bats?
– Ken
Squawk,
I think you meant a “moot point.” hee hee “mute point”
pmartin
#42
Thanks for the correction.
Rorschach nails the issue here.
Laugh all you want…freedom is vanishing!
DanielJames
Dang bro, take a breath. The fight is not over. Even in the worst of battles humor sneaks its refreshing head above the stink.
Squawk 2006
so, the machette from the army surpluss store is 20inches long does that mean, that the military would be in violation of the law?
BTW i have machette to chop up *insert OMG you are an evil bad person object here* violently without mercy or feeling becuase i am a racist conservitive.
kid
#46
re your machete - I like that!
#46:
the military and police would be exempted from this law, just as they are with machine guns and switchblade knives.
#41:
I’m sure the Brits already made machetes illegal, they’re already working on the same for regular pocket knives and kitchen knives. Soon the British subjects will wish they had taken better care of their teeth since they’ll have to tear their food apart from whole chunks of meat…. on second thought, since “British cuisine” is the same as “boil the hell out of it” it shouldn’t be a problem.
Who’s laughing now? Some seafood shop owner got whacked in the head last night with one of these and then Mr. Unlicensed Weed Whacker operator flid, flad, fled down the strit, strat, street.
If this law saves but one life… (yeah, yeah, yeah)
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/3719235.html
If the shop owner had been carrying his pistol like all good americans should, the miscreant would now be rapidly cooling in the morgues’ refrigerator right about now instead of the other way around. I don’t care HOW big the knife, you don’t bring one to a gunfight and expect to go home.