Placenta-Palooza
by David Benzion · 04/19/2006 5:48 amOver.
The American public will ignore your nutty "religion"; they will (all too easily, actually) forgive your serial marriages; they will even understand if you decide to start arguing with mothers who survive post-partum depression about whether or not psychotropic medications do more harm then good.
But they will never forgive you for eating a placenta.
If true, Tom Cruise’s career is Over.
If simply a "joke"– as he and his publicists are now insisting and frantically attempting to "clarify"– the quick spread (and believability) of the rumor reveal one thing clearly.
The American public thinks Tom Cruise is nuts.
Somewhere in Southern California, the head of marketing for Mission Impossible 3 is getting insanely drunk.
In other placenta-related news…
As the birth of his third child drew closer last fall, Kalehua Krug and his wife, Kihapai, knew they needed the cooperation of their doctor to perform an important native Hawaiian birth ritual.
The Krugs wanted their daughter’s placenta, the organ that unites a mother and her child and is considered a part of the child in traditional Hawaiian belief. The Krugs intended to plant the placenta with a tree, which is to be watched as it grows to better understand psychological and spiritual changes in the child.
[Hat-tip: AP]
Well, that’s not my kinda thing, but I can understand the impulse behind the belief. At least they aren’t eating it, right?
But while the Krugs had no problem getting back the placenta, known as iewe in Hawaiian, from their two previous children born at another hospital, they said their doctor at Kaiser Permanente hospital refused, explaining that under state rules, the afterbirth is treated as medical waste and destroyed.
Big Government to the rescue, once again.
Kalehua Krug said the doctor told them that while he didn’t agree with the state rules, the hospital had to follow them.
Right– because we all know just how vicious the Placenta Police can be about cracking down on this sort of thing.
The dispute prompted the state Legislature to pass and send to Gov. Linda Lingle a bill allowing parents to take the placenta home. The governor’s office says she is reviewing it, and Kaiser Permanente Hawaii testified in support of it. It would be the first such law in the country, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.
Good.
Question– If I get in an accident and have an arm amputated at the hospital, don’t I have the right to insist that I get it back, if it is important to me to eventually be buried with "all" of my body?
I really don’t know the answer to that… I bet one of our readers does.
But this seems clear-cut to me– the baby and the placenta belonged to the parents when they were still inside the mother… so why does that change once they come squirting out?
Hawaii’s rule dates to 1990, when AIDS was still an emerging threat, said state Health Director Chiyome Fukino. Another concern is that while Hawaiian tradition is clear, no one can be sure once the placenta leaves the hospital that it will only be buried in the ground, she said. Recipes for dishes containing human placenta are posted on the Internet.
"You don’t know what everyone’s going to do with this," Fukino said.
Again– is there nothing Big Government can’t concern itself with? Aren’t any placenta-eaters already punishing themselves for their actions far worse then the government ever could? Does anyone seriously believe there are hordes of placenta-hungry parents out there, just waiting for The Man to decriminalize placenta-consumption so they can fire-up the backyard grill?
Sorry if you read all this before breakfast.
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For your culinary pleasure, here are some tasty recipes.
And now for the link…
For your culinary pleasure, here are some tasty recipes.
Third time’s the charm!
http://www.twilightheadquarters.com/placenta.html
This placenta eating mess is so unbecoming for Tom. I can see him chomping on the placenta with his big pearly whites. Wonder if placenta is chewy? How utterly gross.
I thought Tom Cruise was gay?
lil mikey, he’s in the closet.
What is that bald-headed dude at Scientolgy Central teaching, anyway.
I bet all the other scientologists want to kick Tom’s ass right about now!
…reminds of the old story ’bout the “dude” working in a hospital circumcism area just for the ‘tips.’
Cruise is truly detestable. MI-3 is in for a rude welcome at theaters. Spielberg is livid and won’t even talk to Cruise. War of the Worlds was a flop and Cruise continues to implode..much like Val Kilmer. Don’t you just luv those Hollywood know-it-alls?
T. Cruise IS gay. But he and his friends in Hollywood have paid off another struggling actress to be his pretend wife. Just like with N. Kidman. She was barely known and struggling for a career. She agreed to be his pretend wife for a huge amount of money and roles in several major motion pictures.
Look how many movies P. Cruz was in when she was pretending to be his girlfriend. How many since they broke up?
Expect K. Holmes to suddenly and quickly to be in movie after movie in the coming years.
All this because T. Cruise won’t admit he’s gay.
#10
All this time I thought he was ‘just a cute guy’ with big teeth. You have enlighten me. Am I the only one that just never thought twice about Tom’s orientation?
Sonia
I have heard rumors, but I’m not an eye witness!
I’m not big on guilt by association, but Rosie O’Donnell sure does like Tom Cruise. Hmmm…
BTW,
For the record, I’ve never worked at a hospital. The only tips I’ve ever received were from the half-stoned college kids at Rice where I used to deliver pizza many moons ago.
I am certain that this news will further enhance
the views that the ticket paying public has of these goofy and plain nasty hollywood types.
LOL. tongue in cheek!
I have an idea. Just have the Hawaiian couple have a placental abortion after the birth. That way, it isn’t human, it’s just a choice.
I think you can plant a choice with a tree.
I talked to my wife about this issue this morning, and she pointed out a few interesting things. Apparently, Tom Cruise was “only joking” when he made those statements, and he also was being openly mocked during the interview for stating that a couple should communicate and keep sex within the marriage rather than have affairs and destroy the relationship. They also mocked him for discussing his abusive father who beat him and his mother, forcing his mother to leave his father, who in the article was only described as “tough on him”. Yet they describe Teri Hatcher as a hero for saying similar things about her uncle.
GQ used to be a staple magazine in our house, one of my wife’s favorites. But in the past few years they have become, like so many other “fashion and culture” magazines, condescending assholes. They ridicule religious conservatives constantly, they elevate wacko liberals to “hero” status, they rail against the “unjust war”, and they regularly publish articles such as “How to have an affair” and “How to have an office wife”.
As crazy as Tom Cruise may seem, I tend to take his side in this issue, if only because I myself have seen GQ and the others turn to complete shit.
Whether it is true or not, he was joking or not, they have become so depraved in Hollyweird that you could say anything and it would be believable. I pity children that grow up in households that have no true love in them, just selfishness and depravity.
Maybe they are going to do a celebrity Fear factor with Tom Cruise??
I read the transcript of the Cruise interview. It was for a British newspaper and HE WAS NOT JOKING.
…Cruise spoke about the nutrients contained in the placenta and believed ingesting it would be healthy and “nutritious.” Believe whatever you wish but he is one sick puppy.
m9777
It seems most of them are sick out there.I have respect for very few of them. We were wondering about Meg Ryan, who we thought a lot of, about why we haven’t seen her in any movies lately, lo and behold the beautiful Meg had a lip enhancement which makes her far less attractive. What a shame!
You think Tom Cruise is gay? In my opinion, the gayest of all gay celebrities who won’t come out is Kenny Chesney. My god, just look at one of his videos. He’s the gayest guy on the planet. He couldn’t even fake it with Zellweger for more than a couple months.
I feel kind of sorry for these guys. I don’t care if they’re gay. Just come out already and be done with it.
FINALLY!! Someone else agrees with my thoughts on Kenny Chesney being gay. And all these silly women think he is so hot. What is so hot about a skinny, SHORT and BALD little man???
Meg Ryans lip pictures.
Before:
http://www.beautifulhairstyles.com/megryan.html
After:
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200603/20060301/slide_20060301_350_101.jhtml
#22
Thank you! Again, my balloon is ‘busted’. I pride myself on being able to ‘detect’. Old age and eyesight go together!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=383386&in_page_id=1774
Sonia
#24
You gotta have your gaydar on to spot ‘em!
#26
I guess. I have to start practicing again.
Kenny Chesney gay? Are you kidding me man? He’s a damn cowboy! Everyone knows cowboys cant be gay. They just ride up into the mountains and do cowboy stuff,like ropin,ridin,buckin,singin. Thats about as ridiculous as saying Indians are gay. As far as Tom Cruise and the placenta. I’ve heard it tastes like chicken. Its like doin a homeless chick. Once you get past the smell it aint all that bad.
Shouldn’t that be considered cannibalism? Tom Cruise, the Cannibal….
Maybe He can get a recipe from Dr Lechter? Some fava beans and a nice Chianti?
Is this his next project?
http://www.troma.com/press/cannibal.jpg
Or a remake?
http://www.londonfoodfilmfiesta.co.uk/IMAGES/soylent%20green%20-one.jpg
I just have this image of a cannibal Homer Simpson:
Mmmmmmmm Placeeentaa….
If Tom marries the mother of his dinner, would this be an appropriate wedding gift??
http://www.salangome.com/shrunken_head.asp
#28
They just ride up into the mountains and do cowboy stuff,like ropin,ridin,buckin,singin. Thats about as ridiculous as ‘Brokeback Mountain’?
At county fairs in the Amazon can you find “Placenta on a Stick”?
I think there’s a gas station between Houston and San Antonio on I-10 that sells Placenta Jerkey…… It’s all covered in black pepper and they have Terryaki and Mesquite Smoked.
How about a placenta soup? Like Menudo……….. (Which is just as nasty!)
#32
Man, that is just GROSS.
I bet if they cast Chesney in that Brokeback Mountain flick it WOULD have won some awards-because it would have been a true story!
Chesney in “Brokeback Mounting?” I never liked skinney little short guys!
You guys are making me ill with all the “recipes” Yuch!
Bwahahahaha!
LST oughta pay you the big bucks.
I hope Katie was silent during the birth process, as Tom was demanding.
Funny.
My grandparents were from a small town in New Hampshire (don’t give me heck, I have Yankee blood). There was a graveyard down the street for all of the American Revolution Heroes. I cannot tell you how many of the graves are tandem in as they said: #1: Here lies the arm of John Smith, and, 10 years later, #2: Here lies the body of John Smith. I always found it humerous.
Mark Russell
i have thought tom cruise was gay the first time i saw him kiss someone in a movie. i think its a shame in this day and age to keep it quiet. i mean really who cares? he is an egotistical a**hole and if people would stop paying those outrageous prices at theatres maybe he will fade away.
as for kenny, who says he is a cowboy?