Fox is reporting that the jury in the Zacarias Moussaoui trial has come back with a decision on whether the terrorist will get life in prison or the needle. The announcement should come in the next half hour.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll get the death penalty. If you’re gonna fry a guy, you don’t take a week to do it.

UPDATE: Sure enough, he’s getting a life sentence. My lifetime correctness average holds at 99.44%.

UPDATE 2: Was it all a mind game? Who knows?

Moussaoui, as he was led out of the courtroom after the 15-minute hearing, said: "America, you lost. I won." He clapped his hands as he was escorted away.

Sure, American kids can’t find Iraq on a map, but who cares, as long as the menace of sugar stalks the halls of the nation’s schools? Fortunately, Bill Clinton is on the job:

In a deal announced today by the William J. Clinton Foundation, the nation’s largest beverage distributors agreed to stop selling non-diet sodas to most public schools, where childhood obesity has become an increasing concern.

"This is a bold step forward in the struggle to help 35 million young people lead healthier lives,” former President Clinton said at a news conference. "This one policy can add years and years and years to the lives of a very large number of young people.”

And of course, just to remind you that this is the Chronicle, there’s a stupid error:

Finding a soft drinking in Texas schools is already difficult under rules imposed by the Texas Department of Agriculture.

I prefer hard drinking, myself.

This idea came up during last week’s BrewHaHa™, and I really liked it. I’m pleased to announce the inaugural LST Photo Scavenger Hunt. Here’s how it works. Just take pictures of the following items and email them to mattbramanti@gmail.com, with the subject line "scavenger hunt."

All of these items, at one time or another, have been near and dear to the hearts of LST’s management, staff and readership.

Food and Drink:

• A taco truck. (5-point bonus if it’s being pursued by immigration agents. Double bonus if you’re the immigration agent.)
• A homebrewed beer.
• A Taste of Texas or Steamboat House steak.

Politics:

• A piece of Dan Patrick for Senate campaign memorabilia
• A Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys album.
• A conservative gubernatorial candidate. (Might have to travel for that one.)

Media:

• A radio visibly tuned to AM 700.
• A Houston Chronicle front page being employed in an animal-hygiene role.
• Lone Star Times displayed on a screen larger than 24 inches. (Hint: Plug your laptop into the big-screen TVs at Best Buy)

Filthy Wild Animals:

• A RINO. (5 Bonus points if it’s in a compromising position with a certain LST publisher.)
• A fake rhino. (10 bonus points for the Benzion treatment.)
• A live rhino. (20 bonus points for the Benzion treatment.)

Local Government Stupidity:

• A METRO vehicle involved in something stupid. (Standard METRORail operations definitely count.)
• An HCAD vehicle prowling the neighborhood.
• A gold HPD badge. (10 bonus points if it’s Chief Hurtt’s)

Pop Culture:

• More cowbell.
• A "United 93" ticket stub.
• A Frank Zappa or Geddy Lee autograph. (100 bonus points for both autographs on the same item)

The LST Arsenal:

• A hoe.
• A handgun or rifle, .40 caliber or larger. (20 bonus points if it is legally an "assault weapon."
• A machete.

SUPER BONUS OPPORTUNITY: The first person to send in a picture of any of the following items automatically wins.

• Mayor White’s hybrid car being Safe Cleared.
• Carol Alvarado in a paddy wagon.
• Paul Bettencourt doing the Numa Numa dance. Paul’s family is encouraged to participate in this contest.

Now, the rules.

1. Each item is worth one point, plus applicable bonuses.
2. If you get multiple items in one photo, that’s double points. EXAMPLE: You send in a Geddy Lee-autographed (1) picture of David Dewhurst (1) swinging a machete (1). Add the points (3), double it, and that’s a 6-point pic.
3. Duplicate items don’t count. Sorry, Dude, but you can’t send in 50 Zappa autographs.
4. No cheating, no cheating, NO CHEATING.
5. This contest will last a week — all entries must be in to mattbramanti@gmail.com no later than noon on Wednesday, May 10

Happy snapping!

Looks like some pranksters in Maryland are drumming up business for local emergency rooms and plumbing supply stores.

For the second time in a month, police in Salisbury, Md., are investigating a report of a man glued to a toilet seat.

The latest incident happened Sunday night at Wal-Mart. An employee found the 20-year-old man stuck to the seat and banging on a wall for help. The man was treated at a local hospital.

Late in the evening on April Fool’s Day, a man got glued to a seat at a local Denny’s restaurant.

“I’m sorry John, but you’ve got a serious case of Posterior Adhesive Commoditis. We’ll have to remove your dignity.”

E-mail the author or leave a comment below.

Yesterday, we pointed out that the Chronicle’s editors don’t know the difference between a gallon:

An editorial on Page B6 Tuesday misstated the ceiling on royalties paid for oil and gas from federal waters. The ceiling is $55 per barrel of crude oil or natural gas equivalent.

The original editorial didn’t say a word about "federal waters." It talked about federal lands. But hey, land, water, gallon, barrel, it’s all the same. It’s not like Houston is a big energy town, anyway.

Per Edd Hendee, feel free to send a campaign contribution check– Edd recommends $0.00– to Gov. Perry at the following address:

Texans for Rick Perry
PMB 217, P.O. Box 2013
Austin, TX 78768

If you feel like contacting the campaign directly (be polite, please), here is the 411:

Phone– 512-478-3276

Email– rickperry@rickperry.org

UPDATED– What in the world could be motivating Republican office-holders in Austin to betray the grassroots voters who put them in power in the first place?

We aren’t accusing, mind you… just noting the creepy similarities, for your consideration.

This should explain the Texas Senate’s recent insanity.

Hat Tip Big45Iron for the pic

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