This guy did:
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.
Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin
Heh.
[Hat-tip: Royko]
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The Senator’s response will be interesting if he does indeed not have it scripted by one of his “assistants”. I can’t wait to see it.
If I become illegal does that mean I have to start doing jobs Americans wont do? I dont want to stand on the freeway and hold that flag as cars go by at 70mph.
I’m already doing my own lawn and mulching. If I become an illegal alien I can do my neighbors lawn and charge them! The possibilities are endless!
Smackie, I do my own lawn too.I can start charging myself $20. If we get illegal status then our wives cant bitch when we get drunk and pass out in front of the cantina. I’ll also have to sell my nice truck and buy a piece of crap to drive around. Good thing is we dont have to spend our money on insurance anymore.
I want to be illegal - I would have more rights than U.S. citizens! Hey! Look at me! I’m illegal!
Smackie, my yard guy,hired by Mrs.me had to go south for an emergecy. Are you available?
And you and your family [here AND abroad] will get Social security benefits, while those of us who actually PAID into the system won’t! Citizenship is a burden I don’t want to carry anymore.
I know of a fishing town on the Baja, no touristas nothing. I figure if I am going to be forced to give my money to illegals from Mexico I will go where Mexicans live and give them my money in a fashion I can agree with and not pay taxes in the states to boot.
SC
Smackie and his crew will gladly "do" your lawn.
Don’t forget that if the letter’s author lived in Houston and can obtain recognition as an illegal alien, he can also avoid the expense and hassle of:
1. Registering his car;
2. Purchasing auto insurance;
3. Having ID on him;
4. Paying for a tow if his car breaks down (thanks SAFECLEAR)
I love the realistic, true humor being posted.
Since I am a female, I guess I could start charging my family for being their housekeeper and demand cash only.
If I could become an illegal my kids would certainly get preferential treatment at school as well. Just the thought of not having to pay car insurance, daycare costs, I can already feel more money in my pocket!!
Sweet!
And think…if I’m illegal, I will automatically be able to speak Spanish and understand all the billboards in town! And my husband will get preferential treatment when bidding for jobs!
For all you expecting parents out there: go illegal, and junior can be brought into this world at a state-of-the-art hospital with a compassionate epidural, all for FREE!! Courtesy of the taxpayers! Then, you can give him/her your exact name and use his/her SS number to obtain your next job and strike it rich in guvmit bene’s. What a deal! Owner has brain damage!!
Thu, Jun. 29, 2006
Few minutes with Minutemen is plenty of time for GOP group
BUD KENNEDY
In My Opinion
BRYAN - The Texas Minutemen brought their borderline paranoia to the heart of Aggieland this week.
A Republican club invited the Wise County-based Minutemen to tell about their escapades guarding the Rio Grande. But what they heard was too loony even for Aggies.
When the Minutemen’s quirky leader started rambling about a secret plan to “merge Canada and Mexico with the United States,” the good Republicans in the home of the George Bush Presidential Library started squirming in their chairs behind half-eaten barbecue plates.
When a Minutewoman from Dallas started complaining that ranchers can shoot diseased cattle at the border but not humans, and blamed permissive immigration on the “greedy business people” of America, their Republican host finally had enough and stood to cut off questions.
“Thank you,” said Dan Garcia, 29, an Iraq war veteran and now a Texas A&M University student. Almost apologetically, he told the Brazos County Young Republicans, “Our goal was just to set up a forum where we could hear different opinions.”
Later, he said the discussion “got out of hand a little too quickly.”
“I don’t think disease should be part of the issue,” said Garcia, a Brownsville native and the son of immigrants from Mexico who earned doctorates. “Some of the things they said, I totally disagree with. As Republicans, we’re not xenophobes. We just want to know who’s coming into the country.”
It was his idea to invite a Minuteman to draw more people to a meeting when some Young Republicans have gone home for the summer. It worked: Instead of five or six Republicans, the meeting drew 25 guests to C & J Barbeque.
Garcia said he looked up Minutemen on the Web and found the Wise County group.
Shannon McGauley, 42, a private investigator from Boyd, leads one of two factions of Minutemen volunteers in Texas. His faction reports to a California man who is affiliated with a Bible-preaching fringe political party and who openly opposes allowing any other “cultures” or languages in America besides his own.
That part bothered Garcia before the meeting.
“What makes America great is that we pull the best from all cultures,” he said in an interview. “As a Republican, I value hard work and personal integrity. People bring those values to the U.S. from all cultures.”
McGauley agreed to make the drive to Bryan for gas money, Garcia said.
McGauley and other Minutemen have eagerly accepted invitations from border-minded Republican clubs lately, using the opportunity to promote their financially struggling volunteer effort and to preach their conspiracy politics. In Bryan, their handouts included something about the Trilateral Commission.
McGauley, a stubby man with a necktie that stops about four inches too soon, called himself a “bail bond enforcement agent.” He and a brother bill themselves on the Web as the only known pair of twin bounty hunters.
Before they hunted border crossers, they might have been hunting something else.
In a Yahoo discussion group called “smalltowntexassingles,” somebody using his brother’s name posted a 2002 ad introducing twin brother private investigators looking to “get to know” singles. They have also advertised a lawn service.
Early last year, after volunteering in a Minuteman Project patrol in Arizona, McGauley registered the name Texas Minutemen.
The other faction is the Falfurrias-based Texas chapter of the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, which emphasizes lawful borders more than fear of Hispanic “culture.”
For the Bryan audience, McGauley began with a routine report on risks along the border. He described the cat-and-mouse game Minutemen play watching the border, the rumors of Iraqis crossing illegally and the plans for another patrol Sept. 11 along the Rio Grande near Laredo and Del Rio.
The volunteers simply watch for border crossers and alert the Border Patrol, he said. They carry concealed weapons for self-defense, as allowed under state law.
A small group of Hispanic students and adults from Texas A&M University watched from a front table. Hispanic students have been part of the Gig ‘Em tradition since at least 1894, when an Aggie from Hidalgo, Mexico, named N. Valdez scored A&M’s very first football touchdown.
They bristled when McGauley’s co-founder, a retired Dallas software engineer named Sandra Beene, started talking about shooting “varmints” and about how ranchers used to shoot cattle that crossed the border for fear they might have diseases.
“Now, we’re bringing all the diseases that we wiped out right back in,” she said.
Then, a barber from Bryan spoke up from the crowd to complain about trucks from Mexico using the planned Trans-Texas Corridor toll superhighway.
“Trucks are going to roll all the way into Kansas City from a foreign nation,” McGauley said as if free trade is somehow sinister.
He mentioned the secret “plan” to merge North America, which must not be a secret up in Wise County.
Late in the discussion, Beene made this telling comment:
“Once, in this country, we imported a lot of people who were black, and we created a slave class of human beings,” she said. “And we’re still paying for that, through all the resentment. And black people are still paying for it, too.”
Lesson 1: Some of these Minutemen don’t want anyone of another color or culture in Texas.
Lesson 2: Republicans need to be careful about welcoming the Minutemen.
Star-Telegram
http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/news/14928590.htm
http://sandiego.indymedia.org/images/2005/07/110141.jpg
Tejano, allow me to refute point 3 of your Indymedia reference. It says:
The problem is with illegal immigrants. I haven’t heard anyone say “stop all immigration.”
Further proof the minutemen are worthless! They can’t even patrol their own fence! ROFL!!!
Minutemen’s Border Fence Vandalized
Minutemen’s Fence has 800 foot section cut out
By Mark Stine, KOLD News 13
There are holes in a border fence put up by the Minuteman Project.
Volunteers with the border watch group built it last month near Palominas.
But someone tore it up.
The new Minuteman fence resembles the current border fence and it now has
even more similarities because parts of it are in pieces.
“We expected some sort of statement from across the border, but we didn’t
think they’d go this far,” says Jack Ladd as he drives along the new
Minuteman border fence that sits on the edge of his ranch, and assesses
the damage. “If anything, it’s going to show the people of the United
States it’s even worse than what they thought.”
An 800-foot section of the three mile barbed wire fence was cut.
“Cut so cleverly that it could not be repaired, it has to be restrung
because it’s cut right here at the post,” says Carmen Mercer of the
Minuteman Project.
“It’s very disappointing and of course we’d like to know what happened. If
it was reaction from the other side, if it was reaction from, I don’t
know, question mark there.”
The Minutemen aren’t surprised someone wanted the new barrier destroyed,
but they are surprised the culprits weren’t caught in the act. “Especially
over the lengths that it was done. It’s just surprising to me that it was
not getting the attention of the border patrol when it happened.”
And since the act of vandalism, the volunteer group is increasing security
along the fence line to keep it from happening again.
“We’ll be there to prevent that, you better believe it.”
The Minutemen say they’ve reported this vandalism to the Cochise County
Sheriff’s Department and hopefully they will be able to find out who
destroyed the fence.
Seems to me like it’s further proof that illegal immigrants are violent, destructive and disrespectful of the rule of law and the property of others.
Who the freak is Bud Kennedy? And I should I care about what some flaming lib thinks about the MM?
Matt, there should be a rule about pasting 3 page opinion pieces into the comments section. Tejano, next time just put up a link!
#20. Who says it was done from the other side? I can also be done from the U.S. side! But hey its easier to blame others, right?
#21. lol!! my bad next time I will just post a link so I dont up set you!
Fair enough. I suppose that the fence COULD have been vandalized from the U.S. side by the same pro-Minuteman landowners who authorized its construction on their property.
Someone COULD break into his own car and steal his own stereo, too.
I’ll let the readers work out the probablility of each scenario.
#23 Tejano
No problemo, Sr. Not upset in the least. Just don’t want you to start a trend. BTW, I could of been TMO who vandalized the MM fence.
#24. I suppose no one else could enter these peoples property? They cant right?
Either way nobody was hurt, and the minutemen got the message!
#25. Who is TMO? Or it could have been a space ship, or Halliburton (maybe they wanted a reconstruction contract) LOL, maybe it was Cheney on a hunting trip? LMAO
For all we know it could have been the MM trying to fram someone!
If they really destroyed that much fence without anyone noticing them then is a fence going to work? I doesn’t look like it will, looks like a waste of money! It also prove the MM are inept when it comes to securing the border!
It also prove the MM are inept when it comes to securing the border!
We have been fighting this battle wrong. What we need is roach spray. MM put up the fence, but still we have the problem of illegals. On the surveillance tapes, they look like insects.
Learn another song. I ran this with the speller, said no errors.
Are you out of your freaking mind? Crime is okay as long as “nobody was hurt?”
Would you say that if someone knocked down your fence? What if a criminal stole your car, burned down your house while you were on vacation or cleaned out your bank account?
I can picture your response. I think it’d be something along the lines of:
#29. lol man you know what I meant!
My main point is that a fence will not stop them! Simple as that, only thing that will happen is it will become more violent and innocent people are going to pay the price! On both sides!
The two sides here are:
1. American citizens
2. Illegal immigrants
By definition, no one in Side #2 is innocent. They are all criminals by virtue of entering the U.S. illegally.
32. I agree they broke a law! I am not denying that. But to brand them as criminals I believe is wrong. Speeding is also illegal but to brand someone a criminal because they got a ticket is wrong! I know this will not make you understand this issue!
Okay, so now nonviolent crime is no big deal and illegal immigration is the same as a speeding ticket. Is that right?
#33. So now you are parading around the issue as much as possible trying to avoid an answer! Thats fine!
All crime is a big deal, stealing a piece of gum and robbing a bank is still stealing but should the “criminals” recieve the same punishment and public outcast?
Where, oh where do I start…
Why do Americans assume that Illegal Aliens enjoy being illegal? However maybe I am being a hypocrite in assuming that they don’t enjoy it (since I am also assuming). America is the land of opportunity. Or at least so we claim, yet as Americans it seems all we do is complain… The war is bad, taxes are bad, poverty, education, blah, blah, blah. There are people all over the world that would give up their kidney, or any other vital organ for that matter, to live here. The fact that someone would risk their life, or uproot their family, and every thing that they know to travel thousands of miles to become part of our culture should be admired.
Am I the only one that finds it ironic that the people who complain most about our government and political leaders are people who were born here, and not only that, but usually born into a life of luxury. Why is it that us Americans would rather complain about what we don’t have, than appreciate what we do have?
As far as the illegal aliens not paying taxes… If you don’t want to pay taxes, quit your cushy-white-collar job and start laying bricks or shingles for under-the-table cash. I guarantee you that you will make significantly less than your lawyer, or doctor, or investment banker job. There are many jobs that you can do and not pay taxes, you could become a carnie, or work at a renaissance festival, or become a politician.
However, I believe that it is a misnomer that illegals, as a majority, do not pay taxes. It is very common for aliens to use each other’s papers, or social security numbers. Never the less, when these individuals get a paycheck, (unless they have filed a 1099, and are working as a contract employee) money is still automatically taken out by their employer. The payroll department doesn’t say “oh look this guy is illegal, let’s not take money out of his paycheck.” Typically, people who are sharing papers, identities, or social security numbers do not want to be noticed, therefore they will not be filing for a refund at the end of the year. –Imagine how much earned income credits for children that the government gets to KEEP! I don’t understand where and why people assume that all illegal people are not paying taxes.
So we have first established that we, Americans, assume that they do not pay any taxes, but why do we assume that they would not be willing to? Or chastise them, or anyone, for not paying taxes? I guess my high school history lessons are fading into a distant memory, but I seem to remember something about our white ancestors not wanting to pay taxes to England, and something about a tea party.
Do you not think that the illegal brick layer would take a 50K job, pay 30% taxes, and health insurance premiums in a heart beat??? Why is it that if one is privileged they always feel that they are owed more privilege. Maybe we should pass a bill, that states; sure don’t pay taxes (such as the letter suggests), use the emergency room as your primary care, don’t renew your drivers license…But in exchange you have to give up your Lexus, your passport, your timeshare, your credit cards, your right to an education, shall I go on? Sure stop paying health care premiums, why don’t we explore the idea of using the emergency room as a primary care clinic. I love that people who wish this have never sat in a ‘free’ or sliding scale clinic for 14 hours waiting to be helped. Quit paying taxes and become a framer, and when you have an “incident” with the nail gun, don’t even bother to fill out workers comp forms, drive yourself –while a 3-inch nail is sticking out of your bloody hand., to the emergency room (which because it is “free” probably means that it is in the ghetto) and sit there until you are helped.
I don’t understand how the author of this article feels that by becoming an illegal alien that his daughter would receive preferential treatment on her application to law school. If he can make broad sweeping statements then so can I. Assumptively this is a white man, who feels because his children cannot “check a box” that they do not have as fair of a shot getting into law school. If he wanted his daughter to have an extra advantage of getting into college then he could have easily served in the military. Veteran children get just as much of an advantage as, African-Americans, Native Americans, Pacific Islanders, etcetera.
That leads me into another tirade. Why is it that Americans will go on and on about how proud they are to be an American yet these are the same people who will protest the war, and accuse our soldiers, who are fighting for everything that America stands for, of being baby-killers. Most Aliens believe in what America stands for more than our own citizens.