A few days ago, our beloved hometown rag published its list of 20 cool things about Houston. I agree with a lot of the items, though I thought it was a bit slanted towards the arts. Anyway, here are my 20 things:
- Air conditioning. Houston is literally cool. Any interior space larger than a telephone booth is kept at a nice, crisp 74 degrees. We don’t even play baseball outside like those barbarians in St. Louis.
- Freeways. Yeah, congestion sucks, but you’ve got to admire huge engineering projects like the Katy Freeway. BONUS COOLNESS: Freeways don’t leak electrical current.
- Soundwaves. Others pegged Cactus or All Records as the best record store in town. I’m afraid they’re wrong.
- House of Pies. Nothing caps a night of
heavy drinkingpolitical activism like a plate of Huevos Rancheros and a slice of Bayou Goo. - Methodist Hospital. With apologies to the 4077th MASH, these guys really offer “the best care anywhere.”
- No zoning. We’ve got lots of land, it’s cheap, and you can do whatever you want with it. It’s the purest manifestation of “pursuit of happiness.”
- Laff Stop. A great blend of national and local comics can be seen for the price of two drinks.
- The Houston Chronicle. Just kidding. The Press is fun, though, and I hear this “blogging” thing is going places.
- The Lord. We like Him here, and we like Him in all kinds of ways. Pick any style of worship you like, and the odds are that there are thousands of likeminded people. (A Google Local search for Korean Baptist Church returns 59 results.)
- Breast implants. They were invented here, and they’re constantly being perfected. Better living through chemistry.
- St. Arnold Brewing Company. Frank Zappa said, “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline.” By those criteria, Houston can be a real country. BONUS COOLNESS: Bring in 200,000 used six-pack containers and they’ll give you a tie-dyed Bentley.
- Speed. Houstonians like fast vehicles and hate speed limits. That’s why we have NASA, Houston Raceway Park and the Westpark Tollway.
- Most yankees are somewhere else. Nuff said.
- “Screwed” music. We have an entire genre of rap that’s based on the concept of slowing music down to half-speed while chugging codeine. Screwed up? Oh yeah.
- Cheap drinks. Houston has a fine nightlife, and you don’t need to spend an arm and a leg for a few adult beverages.
- Rice University. The chicks aren’t much to look at, but the research is second to none. The diplomas look cool, too.
- Key Maps. Bigger competitors have tried to muscle in on this West Alabama outfit, but nothing beats a big orange Key Map.
- Becks Prime. If you know anywhere else I can get a swordfish sandwich and a milkshake via drive-thru, let me know.
- Harwin Drive. From fake Fendi to replicated Rolexes, it’s all there and it’s all made in China.
- Texas Art Supply. From kids’ crafts to top-quality paints, there’s something there for everyone.
Also, here are some of the things that I intentionally excluded from the list:
- Any park. Municipally-subsidized grass just doesn’t do it for me.
- The Rothko Chapel: If you want to recreate it, paint a black square on an overpass. Then pretend it doesn’t suck.
- Breakfast Klub: With this town’s culinary offerings, standing in line for grits is just plain stupid.
MORE: IFOC, Isolated Desolation, Jeff Balke, Metroblogging Houston
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24 Responses to “Twenty cool things about Houston”Search
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You forgot the Metro rail
Breakfast Klub: With this town’s culinary offerings, standing in line for grits is just plain stupid.
And runny scrambled eggs! Can’t leave that out.
Kevin Whited
#2
It’s a first. You commented on something that did not slam LST, its publisher or commentors, KSEV or Dan Patrick! Absolutely amazing! You must have lost your touch.
From #4 on the list…isn’t the House of Pies also referred to as the “House of Guys?” I seem to remember a post here that mentioned something about a certain contributor and a run in with a transvestite.
People mention they never see me with Karen in the daytime but only at night and then it’s only in the dimmest and seediest of places. Might be that she’s a night owl but primarily it’s so that she won’t closely examine the Polex I got her from a swanky Harwin boutique.
This list only reinforces that Houston sucks.
Yeah, I know, why don’t I move. Don’t worry, that day is coming faster than you think.
Whats up with this new system? I just wrote about 15 more things and they just disappeared into blog oblivion.
Golden Adam…yes House of pies was the House of Guys in my day ( 1978-1981). we would go to the Rocky Horror Show on Gray and then to the House of Guys and wait for 30 min. for a booth. But their coffee and pie were awesome! And there was a show THERE everytime! I am a straight gal, but it was a huge gay hangout as the “Copa” a gay disco was down on the corner of Richmond and Kirby. Don’t ask what a nice straight girl like me was doing at all these places…
And number 13 on the list..no fair. I married a Yankee and he is glorius and the love of my life. He has been here long enough though to be a naturalized Texan.
Best unknown cool thing in Houston. In Memorial Park there is an underground WW ONE bunker you can climb down into.
Other best thing about Houston is you CAN live out in the suburbs and get a bigger house for less money and less crime…and still go “into” Houston for some good food.
Houston has the best day labor sites and taco wagons.
1″ of rain makes the news.
We have Quanell X and Shiela Jackson Lee.
Everything is cool about Houston.I am stuck here in North Carolina and y’all just don’t know how great you have it there. I am on my way back ASAP and will never wander again.
It’s a first. You commented on something that did not slam LST, its publisher or commentors, KSEV or Dan Patrick! Absolutely amazing! You must have lost your touch.
It’s not a first, and your comment illustrates that your grasp of facts and reality is as tenuous as ever, and really off the point of the post.
Are you sure you’re not a Kos Troll? Those kids have the same distressing tendencies. Maybe Ritalin would help.
Hey Clambutt,
Don’t bitch-just go…Just like a Yankee, next thing ya know we are gonna hear “how We did it up there”.
Farthest north I been was Racine Wisconsin, best thing there was the lost tourists from anywhere else!
Before that week I did not appreciate the stellar beauty of Texas women and the friendly attitude of Texans!
Oh and I must mention the brave and gallant reporters that stand in ditches or the best pothole to report the 1″ of life threatening precipitation!
See Ya Yankee-Ville
4:
In all fairness, that wasn’t at House of Pies. It was at IHOP on Mangum, and it was weird as hell.
Umm…Houston was FOUNDED by Yankees and populated as such…bunch of those ‘dam type folk’ died at the Alamo too…put that in your pipe and smoke it…
#8 - Where is that bunker. I have been to Memorial Park hundreds of times. Guess I was too busy looking at the scenery.
Don’t know where the bunker is but I do know where Howard Hughes is buried in Houston.
Great. And the Nazis invented the jet engine. It doesn’t mean either group should stick around.
#16, actually it was a Brit named Whipple that invented the Jet engine. The Nazi’s just built one first.
So how many six-pack holders you have left to get the Bently there Matt?
I didn’t want to give him credit because he won’t let me squeeze the Charmin.
#6 Clamboy
What are some of the things that your ideal town has that make it not suck, and where else would you rather live? I have lived in Houston for 25 years now. When I first moved here, I also though this town was pretty sucky. But I eventually learned there were plenty of very cool things to do and see here. They just happen to be VERY spread out due to the sprawling nature of this town. If you are looking for something in particular, I’d be willing to bet we have it. And I’d also be willing to bet we have lots of cool stuff that you can’t find in many towns. Houston may not have the “everything’s within 10 minutes” nature of an east coast town like Boston or the nice hills and weather of California, but I can honestly say I have a much higher standard of living than I would if I lived either of those other places, and the folks are nicer here too. I couldn’t buy a shotgun shack on either coast for what I paid here for a 3500 square foot house on 3.5 acres. If you want a place to raise a family and have a good quality of life, Houston can’t be beat. If you’re willing to ride mass transportation with inconsiderate loonies and pay $3000 a month rent for the privilege of living in a self-proclaimed “cultural Mecca”, then I guess you should consider other alternatives. Personally, I think Houston has more than enough culture and diversity for anybody who is willing to take the time to find it.
N 29° 45.631 W 095° 25.790 is the GPS co ordinates
WW1 Bunker from Camp Logan. Channel 11 ran a documentary on it and you can read some messages…
http://www.khou.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=49&sid=9431846723f38ac0f00f5838d8befa09
Its about 1.5 miles from the west end of this bike trail, and about .5 miles from the east end.
It is located near a couple of old buildings.Relics of camp Logan, where doughboy warriors once prepared for the great war, “THE WAR TO END ALL WARS”!
Matt, I can’t believe you left these off the list! (Or does that fall under the umbrella of #10?)
#21 k-mac
I wish you guys would quit posting that picture. It’s too hard on an old man’s, umm, err, nuptials.
Hey we have the best bars this side of Vegas too!
The idea of a bunker in Memorial Park could turn in some kind of “urban legend”.I have checked out the story/area and found what appears be two long abandened concreat sewer treatment structures.One very old with no reinforcement rods,the other with square rods.Not very romantic but interesting.Regards.Joe B