Across the country–and right here in Texas, Houston specifically—an outcry has been reaching fever pitch about the jailing today of former Border Control agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonso Compean.

For background on the story and a sense of the passions it has stirred, click here and here.

My take on this story from the start has been this:

1. Two border patrol agents shot a drug smuggler in the ass;
2. A lot of people are glad that they did and wish it would happen more often;
3. Doing it happens to be against the law.

If you are a right-wing conservative grumpy talk-radio listener—some of whom are my very best friends in the world–you care more about point #2 than point #3.

If you AREN’T a right-wing conservative grumpy talk-radio listener, or you are an elected official, chances are that you consider point #3 to be pretty important, regardless of how you feel about point #2.

Here is what I do know–this debate has reached insane levels of “more heat than light.”

So in the interest of spreading information and encouraging thoughtful, constructive consideration of the issues, I am reposting in full a press release just sent out by the office of US Western District of Texas Attorney Johnny Sutton.

I know this is long, but I want to encourage commenters to focus on facts, not (just) emotion, so I’m going to reproduce the entire thing.

Give it a read–maybe you’ll be persuaded, maybe you won’t.

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United States Attorney Johnny Sutton, Western District of Texas

MYTH VS. REALITY–THE FACTS OF WHY THE GOVERNMENT PROSECUTED AGENTS COMPEAN AND RAMOS

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Myth: THE AGENTS WERE JUST DOING THEIR JOBS

Reality: Securing our nation’s borders can be a tough and dangerous job. Often, Border Patrol agents find themselves in difficult and dangerous situations. We give them guns and allow them to defend themselves. Border Patrol training allows for the use of deadly force when an agent reasonably fears imminent bodily injury or death. An agent is not permitted to shoot an unarmed suspect who is running away.

There was no credible evidence that the agents were in a life-threatening situation or that Aldrete, the Mexican alien, had a weapon that would justify the use of deadly force. In fact, Border Patrol Agent Juarez, who was at the scene, testified at trial that he did not draw his pistol because he did not believe there was a threat. He also testified that Aldrete did not have a weapon and was almost to Mexico when Agent Compean began firing at him.

In America, law enforcement officers do not get to shoot unarmed suspects who are running away, lie about it to their supervisors and file official reports that are false. That is a crime and prosecutors cannot look the other way.

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Myth: THE GOVERNMENT LET A DRUG SMUGGLER GO FREE

Reality: My office would have much preferred to see Aldrete convicted and sent to prison for his crimes. We are in the business of putting guys like Aldrete behind bars. In fact, this office leads the nation in the number of drug smuggling cases we prosecute. Because the agents could not identify him, found no fingerprints, could not tie him to the van and did not apprehend him after shooting him, the case against Aldrete could not be proven.

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Myth: THESE BORDER PATROL AGENTS SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN PROSECUTED

Reality: The crimes committed by these agents rise to the level of felonies and are not mere administrative oversights. This was not a simple case of discharge of a firearm that was not reported. The truth of this case is that Agents Compean and Ramos shot 15 times at an unarmed man who was running away from them and who posed no threat.

This office cannot ignore these agents’ crimes just because the person they shot turned out to be a drug smuggler. Our system of justice requires that a person be tried in a court of law before he is punished. We do not permit police officers to summarily punish those whom the officers think have committed crimes. A police officer cannot shoot at an unarmed suspect who does not pose an immediate serious threat to the life of the officer or a bystander.

In order to maintain the rule of law, federal prosecutors cannot look the other way when law enforcement officers shoot unarmed suspects who are running away, then lie about it to their supervisors and file official reports that are false.

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Read more

Last year we brought you news about Thai pandas Chuang Chuang and Lin Hui. The loving couple was having trouble doing the bamboo dance, despite millions of park-goers eager to watch. Concerned officials even developed panda porn, all to no avail.

Sadly, our couple’s first date was a dud.

The pandas’ first mating season — a three-day window — came last week. Despite a widely-publicized encounter between Chuang Chuang, a 6-year-old male [whose name means “clever”], and 5-year-old Lin Hui [whose name means “beautiful forest”], the mating apparently was unsuccessful.

While Clever may not have been quite clever enough to reach the beautiful forest, watching pandas get it on seems to have serious market potential.

One year later we find that our furry friends are still distressed. This time, however, it appears that evil capitalist influences have taken their toll on Chuang Chuang’s ability to do the reproductive ballet.

“Chuang Chuang is gaining weight too fast and we found Lin Hui is no longer comfortable with having sex with him,” said the zoo’s chief veterinarian, Kanika Limtrakul, adding that Chuang Chuang weighed 331 pounds, while Lin Hui is only 253 pounds.

No doubt he learned to overeat from obese Western tourists. Time for this oversized fuzzball to go on a diet.

As a result, zoo authorities are cutting out bamboo shoots in the daily meal for Chuang Chuang and giving the obese bear only bamboo leaves, Kanika said.

The “Panda Weight Watchers” routine is just the latest in a series of efforts to help Clever find his way through the Forest.

They have held a mock wedding, announced plans to separate the two to spark a little romance and even talked of introducing panda porn - videos of other pandas mating - to get the pair in the mood.

Clearly the “low-fat bamboo shoots” and “Panda Viagra” markets are still wide open for the ambitious entrepreneur.

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