Recently, quite a few of our fellow Houstonians have been attempting to cross busy freeways on foot with predictably disastrous results. In view of the epidemic of fatalities, I am calling on Mayor White to institute a new program to deal with the problem.

The proposed Stupid-Ass Pedestrian removal program, SAPClear, would divide the city into several pedestrian zones, and exclusive contracts would be awarded to taxi, bus, and wrecker companies to get walking Houstonians from one side of a busy freeway to the other in a safe, clean, and efficient manner. Our thoroughfares have been crowded with aprehensive street-crossers unable to identify and use an intersection for far too long, and something must be done.

After successfully tackling freeway wrecks, evil smokers, mismatched news racks, jaywalking, and employee compensation, Mayor White should direct his vigorous energies to remedying this terrible blight upon this otherwise world-class city.