LST has obtained a photo of a secret meeting in Austin on border security. The photo reveals for the first time a new weapon for use in the fight against illegal immigration.

Texas, we give you: The Border Twinkie.

Real Twinkies wear chaps

That’s right, fellow Texans, Austin will stop the influx of drug runners, thugs, illegal aliens and others with a wall of tasty creme filling. Mmmm………creme filling. This new weapon has considerable promise, as long as the drug runners don’t get the munchies.

Texas Monthly senior executive editor Paul Burka has an interesting take on my state senator:

Yes, he suffered a knockdown in round 1, when he challenged the Senate’s 2/3 “rule” and got no votes other than his own. But he has been landing lots of jabs, and he’s almost impossible to hit. He’s the Republican Eliot Shapleigh–and I mean that as a compliment.

Dan Patrick is the same person on the other end of the political spectrum, only where Shapleigh is an intellectual, Patrick is a populist demagogue (I know that’s a loaded word; I use it in the dictionary definition of “a speaker who seeks to make capital of social discontent and gain political influence”) on the subject of taxes and government spending. Like Shapleigh, he doesn’t care about being a member of the club, and he too stays on message 24/7/365. But his message is the opposite: that Texas government is too big and spends too much and that taxpayers and homeowners are the worse for it. I don’t want to carry the Shapleigh-Patrick comparison too far; Patrick is far more skilled at using the media to get his message out. As a radio talk show host, he has been able to build an impregnable constituency in the Houston area. He understands political theater. Even his press releases convey passion and eloquence. Whether he can make the leap to the big-time in four years remains to be seen. He will have to raise his name recognition in the Dallas area, and he will have to raise a ton of money–at least $20 million to run for governor–and it’s possible that Dewhurst, or perhaps Perry on behalf of, say, Roger Williams, could prevent that. But so far, five weeks into his political career, I think he’s been very smart about when to take the offensive.

Go read the whole thing.

LoneStarTimes.com Publisher David Benzion issued the following statement early this morning:

“It is with deep regret that I must announce a breakdown in negotiations with Harris County Judge Robert Eckels over his resigning to become a full-time blogger for LST.”

Today’s Houston Chronicle provides background.

Blackhawk loses a trooper:

An Eastern Hills High School graduate who was in his second tour of duty in Iraq died Wednesday in Baghdad of injuries received a day earlier when his unit came under fire during combat in Taji, the Pentagon announced Thursday.

Sgt. 1st Class William Allen Mosteiro, 42, was a career soldier assigned to Fort Hood.

Sgt. Mosteiro fought in Desert Storm and was in his second tour in the current war in Iraq, his mother said. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division at Fort Hood. For the past 15 years, he was a scout for the Army. He enjoyed the job, she said, because in the long term, he was saving lives.

“He let others know what they were coming into,” she said. “He felt that it was very important. He loved it.”

Other survivors include a son, 14; his father, Bill Mosteiro; one brother; three sisters; a grandmother; and a 102-year-old great-grandmother, Pat Mosteiro said.

I got this in an email from my sister-in-law. I can’t say it any better that she did:

I have been touched by the caring and generosity of the women who have pulled together to help Allen’s family through this time. if you don’t mind, i’m sure it would help everyone if you could say a special prayer for him tonight.

I think we can all do that.

Phyllis Kahn, a Democrat-Farm-Labor state representative from Minnesota wants to slap a 6.5% sales tax on face-lifts, botox, and elective cosmetic surgery.

Wait.

Wait for it.

OK, go ahead and click here.

You’re welcome.

Just when you think that border stories couldn’t get any stranger, along comes a reporter with a flair for the dramatic to prove you wrong. In this Dallas Morning News article, reporter Dianne Solis tells us about:

• A staging point in Mexico, Altar, complete with map and routes. Hey, you think our guys could find the place?
• Drug smugglers abusing illegals and coyotes because they need the routes for their distribution business. Hmm, evolution at work?
• A US law enforcement official describing a Mexican drug cartel boss as - crafty, ruthless and a brilliant businessman. Um, do you detect a sense of awe here?
• A US Border Patrol spokesman telling us that a certain part of the border belongs to said crafty, ruthless and brilliant drug cartel boss. Excuse me, Mr. Border Patrol spokesman, why don’t you own it?
• A wishful illegal telling us he would love to go to the Carolinas for a job but the drug cartel is too vigilant - not the Border Patrol.
• Another wishful illegal telling us that he wants President Bush to know what’s happening there, presumably to help him. After all, he is such a compassionate man that he appointed Michael Chertoff to help the housekeepers and landscapers come on down.
• The Minutemen are scared and don’t want to encounter any of those vicious drug gangs. Perhaps that is why they are surrounding construction sites.
• The different types of people trying to cross - they come from Russia, Poland, Brazil, China and India. What, no Middle Easterners?

But the very best is saved for last. Yes, the illegals have developed a weapon to combat the new, high-tech wireless sensors:

And if they spot a wayward antenna, they’ve been known to simply urinate on it, officials say. Like a keyboard doused by coffee, the sensor is rendered senseless.

Is it “Sweeps Week” in the newspaper biz?

Apparantly global warming has lost some of its juice and ability to move product… how else to explain this headline (which I really like, don’t get me wrong) in today’s Houston Chronicle?

THOUSANDS MAY DIE
IF A GIANT TORNADO EVER HITS HOUSTON

I’m not kidding–that’s an actual headline in your local paper this morning… not LST’s typically vulgarized and sensationalized rewriting of a straightforward Chronicle headline.

Looks like we’re having an impact on some of our colleagues.

Hopefully, we’ll see this one in the Chronicle tomorrow:

ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S BREAST IMPLANTS
POSE CHOKING THREAT TO ANY BABIES
THAT MAY BE TRAPPED IN HER COFFIN

I think you know where to take things from here.

The “Houston Chronicle Headline Writing Contest of 2007″ is on.

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