ChiComs build competing weather machine : Lone Star Times

ChiComs build competing weather machine

by Matt Bramanti · 07/13/2007 10:38 am

As influential members of the Halliburton/BushCo world-domination cabal, Lone Star Times staffers get a lot of perks:

hot and cold running crude oil
access to live torture videos from Gitmo
unlimited fresh organs

But our favorite perk has got to be the Weather Machine. And now the Red Chinese think they can just build their own?

According to Wang Guanghe, director of the Weather Modification Department under the Chinese Academy of Meteorological Sciences, each of China’s more than 30 provinces and province-level municipalities today boast a weather-modification base, employing more than 32,000 people, 7,100 anti-aircraft guns, 4,991 special rocket launchers and 30-odd aircraft across the country.

“Ours is the largest artificial weather program in the world in terms of equipment, size and budget,” Wang said, adding that the annual nationwide budget for weather modification is between US$60 million and $90 million.

Who the hell do they think they are? I’m getting Karl on the phone right now. It’s time for a little hailstorm in Beijing.

Filed Under Uncategorized ·

Comments

18 Responses to “ChiComs build competing weather machine”

Rastus on July 13th, 2007 at 10:43 am

Damn. Just loaned that thing to them for 3 days and they’ve already reverse engineered it and are building their own. Hee, hee, hee - they are in for a real surprise when they discover that the thing is race sensitive. They could do some real damage at home. It’ll take them a while to get that part straightened out unless the Clintons slip them the secret plans.
TXAggie87 on July 13th, 2007 at 10:47 am

Must have already bit them - they had a string of tornadoes about 4 or 5 days ago. Killed several. Billery better hurry up!
jimb on July 13th, 2007 at 10:59 am

Better give SC a hat tip:

http://lonestartimes.com/2007/07/13/friday-open-comments-19/#comment-177292
Matt Bramanti on July 13th, 2007 at 11:15 am

Hat-tip nothing! Maybe I’ll send a nice cool breeze over his house.
jimb on July 13th, 2007 at 11:17 am

While you’re at it, could you water my lawn 4 times a week for about 30 minutes at, say, 9:30 AM?

Maybe on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday?
Matt Bramanti on July 13th, 2007 at 11:25 am

Sheesh. I do one guy a favor and now I’m a freakin’ lawn service.

This Weather Machine isn’t your own personal sprinkler system. It’s for important things, like drowning poor people with hurricanes!
The Dude on July 13th, 2007 at 11:36 am

If the machine doesn’t make julienne fries there will never be a market for it. Mark my words.
Fasternu 426 on July 13th, 2007 at 12:05 pm

Make it rain beer with meatball sandwich hailstones and you’ll impress me.
TalkinTexas.com on July 13th, 2007 at 12:12 pm

Hey forget the machine as an ” insider ” do you get to go hunting with Cheny??
Narly on July 13th, 2007 at 12:18 pm

If it’s rain they want, I bet Halliburton can arrange a fine little cyclone for them.
The Dude on July 13th, 2007 at 12:30 pm

Narly,

Halliburton doesn’t know squat about cyclones. If you want a real Cyclone, I’ll hook you up.
SC on July 13th, 2007 at 2:22 pm

#Matt, please do.
american woman on July 13th, 2007 at 2:52 pm

Has anyone heard from Al Gore today? He is trying to dump his two carbon credit companies, no doubt. Dang the chinese……. they just caused Al Gore to loose millions and millions. What global warming…… just call the chi-coms.
Fasternu 426 on July 13th, 2007 at 3:25 pm

Their weather machine sounds inferior to yours Matt.

They have to shoot crap into the air and drop stuff from a plane and all. Yours is operated by wireless controller. You can destroy whole cities and scourge the land at the push of a button…. oops, I said too much!

http://images.inmagine.com/168nwm/corbis/crb315/crb315042.jpg
tedtam on July 13th, 2007 at 3:31 pm

Okay, okay, okay - hold up guys! I was under the impression that the weather machine was actually INSIDE Karl Rove’s head! Otherwise the Democrats would have stolen it by now and destroyed every conservative bastion in the country. Or maybe killed the liberal bastions, since dead people can vote multiple times.

Someone, please ’splain to me! I’m so confused!
Fasternu 426 on July 13th, 2007 at 4:07 pm

We can’t say or Matt will have us.. uh.. he’ll, uh… What weather machine?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8e/Godfather15.jpg/250px-Godfather15.jpg
Matt Bramanti on July 13th, 2007 at 4:09 pm

We can’t say or Matt will have us.. uh.. he’ll, uh… What weather machine?

And don’t you forget it. Mwahahahahaha.

Time for another delicious kitten.
plonker on July 14th, 2007 at 5:05 pm

It’s wonderful to think that my purchasing of Chinese goods is helping their economy. More than that, the poor little darlings are able to put their ‘weather’ supplies to dual uses; i.e. weapons of western destruction, no doubt. Bloody Foreigners!!!